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To help you establish godly standards, consider the following advice given by a panel of young American Christians between the ages of 20 and 30. While the names are changed to preserve each person’s identity, the comments are genuine. is “ if you plan to marry him or her, when you both feel like the other is the right one for you.” Continuing, she said, “I wouldn’t hold hands with someone who I felt to be ‘just a date’ or someone I was mildly interested in, or even just plain had a crush on.

I think holding hands is a sign that ‘this is the one for me’ to all the world, and that is just not something I want to do with just anyone.” Bill, 28 and married to Sue, said that he didn’t have a rule about holding hands before he was married but realized that “those first thrilling physical touches when one is young can often open the door to premature intimacy and big life mistakes.” Continuing, he remarked, “If I could do it all over again, I would refrain from hand-holding until becoming engaged (and then make sure the engagement was brief enough so as to minimize any potential problems).

It was good to acknowledge the way we cared for each other with something warmer than a ‘Hi.’ “It felt a bit stiff to us both as we grew to care for each other more, but anytime you are holding back feelings for the right time, things can feel awkward.” Bill agreed with Sarah K., saying, “Hugs between two people who know they are attracted to one another should be brief …Hugs involve even more physical contact and can be misused if one is not careful and/or has a weakness in this area.” Cheryl, 23 and married, said her “main concern was finding the person that I could continue a relationship with until the end (marriage).However, he explained to me that he felt like it was important that there be a physical means of communicating with each other and expressing the closeness that we felt. “One thing that both of us learned was that before marriage, if you are pursuing marriage with a person, anything has the potential to be physically exciting and distracting.In the midst of the excitement, you have to take your thoughts captive and make decisions about enjoying emotional closeness and small amounts of physical contact based on whether the relationship is deep and solid enough to benefit from these added dimensions, or whether it will only serve to cover up a lack of real communication.

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